Once upon a time, I was afraid to lead worship. Like I would NEVER sing in the mic 🎤 or in public. I would always pretend to sing and my friends on the worship team would always get on to me about it. LOL (thanks friends). But the truth is, I had convinced myself that I hated my voice. Perhaps this was a subconscious convincing, but I started to believe it low key.
I would sing in choirs at church, but you wouldn't ever catch me leading a song... NO NEVER! I was always told growing up that “you play too much” or “nobody is going to listen to you or take you seriously”. To the point where , not only was my singing voice silenced, but so were my thoughts and opinions. And because of this...I stopped speaking my mind, standing up for myself and definitely stopped singing in public.
These words silenced me.
One day, while I was cleaning my house, I was singing... ( private singing only over here ) - In the middle of cleaning my tub, I heard the Lord say “so... you just gon be up in here doing all these runs and singing by yourself...?? How dare you!" Ya'll this is how the LORD talks to me lol... He gets me together REAL quick...in the most loving/ stern way possible. Holy Spirit said "You don't sing because you're afraid of what they'll say... or that you'll mess up and people will laugh huh?" See... so loving. Then I heard him say "are you singing for them or for me?” 😳 oh snap! He said “if it’s for them, I don’t want it.." Oh shoot.
So this got me thinking about how in Psalms it says
That's right...there was my out- a joyful NOISE. But here's the thing... it wasn't even just a noise. About a year later a woman came up to me and said " you know- I never knew you could sing... I was really blessed by your voice". Ya'll I was shook. In my head I was like " who me?" ,but aloud I said " wow- that really means a lot to me, it's been an area I've always struggled with for years". And just like Ariel, I found my voice again.
Those words built me back up.
So fast forward to today- let's be real... I know I'm not by any means the BEST singer, but I can hold a note or two and if I can't do anything else I can do runs. Ya'll I can run for my life. LOL NEVER in a million years did I think that I would be leading worship on the weekends. Listen... I have my off days, but with rehearsing and training my voice... with help from my other worship friends, I can lead now. Why? Well mostly because I prepare a head of time... BUT TRULY because I realized that I'm not singing for anyone other than the person who deserves it (I'm talking about God here) and He's already qualified me. He says I'm approved!
*** Also- I know my friends would tell me in the most loving/ stern way if it sucked. LOL
And as my motto goes " When in doubt... fall out". :)