the happiest of birthdays

Yesterday was the birthday of one of my favorite little people. I can't believe #jessicacharis is already ONE. As I reflected on the photos her mom Lynn put up in honor of the upcoming celebration. I couldn't help, but to be grateful for our friendship. So I texted her the following [with additional commentary] , which I decided to share... this maybe my most vulnerable post yet, but bring it on:

[Lynn],

Happy birthday to you #sisfriend [it should really be her birthday I mean...] you did all the work anyway and you are such a great mom to my BFF [her daughter Jessica, who's now one]. 

You know, I just think about when we first found out that you were pregnant [at yoga- Holy Spirit told me] I had so many emotions about it. [I was] Super thrilled for you [ I mean duh, babies are so cute and cuddly], but I was also super vulnerable [raw, exposed, confused... etc] because I was still dealing with the loss of my child [I miscarried my baby back in 2015 while in the middle of a toxic marriage].

Fun fact: your baby shower was the first one I went to after losing Tru Grace [that's my baby's name]. When you texted me to plan it I immediately said to myself "NOPE!" [then I was like God, I'm not ready!]  But then, for the first time, I seriously went to the LORD about restoring that area of my heart. I had the smallest (I mean SMALLLLLLEST) [I mean I basically forced myself] amount of faith and hope that anyone could have,but it was enough to fuel my yes. 

So I planned and the shower went off perfectly (despite the whole no kids or men allowed thing lol 🤷🏾‍♀️) [ I mean baby showers in my opinion are for women...not for men, who probably don't want to be there and not for kids- who don't know what's going on] . 

While you were pregnant I got to serve you [ that's when I'd say our friendship really sprouted. We pretty much hung out every day and I got to do little errands to help her prepare- that was such a sweet time!] and through that I began to find healing, restoration and hope again for myself. [One day I stopped being angry with God, one day I realized that He hurt just as much as I did and that He understood because His son died too].

Oh, but when Jessica actually got here and I heard of how much of a beast you were in labor and childbirth [Ya'll, the first thing Lynn said after she gave birth was- "I did it! I'm a beast!" lol] ... when I finally saw this perfect little girl- geez I loved her before I knew her [she was perfect, I prayed over her and prophesied over her] ! 

Because what she may never know is- she was apart of my healing [ looking at her made me realize that although I could not physically hold my child, God sees me and hears me. That He knows me and is with me.]. 

[But most importantly, ] And her mama is apart of my restoration. [watching Lynn become a mom has been such a great joy and journey]

Thanks for letting me love on y'all! [ Also- hey Adam! Nobody ever remembers Lynn's husband Adam lol- poor Adam]😘